2024.2.20 | #50

Happy Reality Day! Here is your weekly dose of reality to help you live 1% happier↓

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Blame Others More

I went beachcombing yesterday.

Beachcombing is going to the beach after the tide is low to dig for conches, catch crabs and other cute little animals in the sea (then cook and eat them).

Because I heard that there is a mangrove in Beihai where you can beachcombing, and what I saw on TikTok were all the crabs that were running around waiting for you to catch, or at least there will be many big conch to fit in the bucket, so I went there.

With two slippers and two feet, I walked 4 kilometers from the shore to the sea. The people around me changed from tourists to locals, from locals to hard-core conch diggers, until I reached the depths of the beach where there was no one there anymore.

I dug for 4 hours under the bright sun. I got blisters on my hands and peeling skin on my legs as I walked and dug. Guess how many buckets I ended up filling?

Not even one bowl.

Not just me, the locals are no better.

The big crabs are lies.

At this time, if it were the me in the past, I would have thought that I suck so much at this or even at being a person, I haven’t worked hard enough, so I have to work harder.

But now I am mentally much stronger (thick-skinned) and have learned to blame others more and myself less.

Because when something is not done well, there are three levels of reasons:

1. environment

2. other people

3. you

You come last, and often you are the least important, the first two are the main reasons why something went wrong. What you can do is very limited compared to the first two reasons. Don’t take it on you and think the sky is falling because you can’t hold it up.

Can’t find a job? It’s not that you suck, it’s that the economy is bad.

Passed the postgraduate entrance examination? It’s not that you are awesome, it’s the overall expansion of graduate student enrollment.

The project was easy to negotiate? That’s because the boss has already taken care of it and just needs you to go through the process.

Project failed? It’s not that you are incompetent, it’s that the leader is giving wrong instructions.

Great job but not making any money? Wrong industry.

All your exes are scum? There is something wrong with your social circle.

You are not God. You did not create the world. If the sky falls, you did not make it collapse. You do not need to fix it either. Look at it objectively. Don’t be a sadistic little bitch and kneel down to receive the whip all the time. Blame others more. Be kinder to yourself.

Yes, I fucked up this, but 60% was due to the bad environment, 30% was due to the stupid leader, and the remaining 10% was due to myself.

What’s wrong with learning from failure?

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Until next week,

Ted Wild

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