“3 Minutes To Live 1% Happier”

Reality: How To Handle Conflicts Like The Mentally Strong

2023.9.26 | #29

Happy Reality Day! Here is your weekly dose of reality to help you live 1% happier↓

1 Insight From Me

There is a small supermarket downstairs. On the first day I moved here, because there was no water in the house, I went to the owner of this small supermarket and asked if there were any public restrooms nearby.

As soon as I said it, he shouted impatiently: I don’t know! Go back to your own home!

I said, I just moved here today and there is no running water yet.

He said: No restroom! Find one yourself!

I was very angry and thought, you just lost a fucking customer, you know that? I will never buy anything from this supermarket again! Nothing!

After calming down for a while, I analyzed this.

First of all, why did he say that? There are two possibilities:

  • One is that Beihai used to have a lot of CX, so some locals formed a stereotype and assumed that new outsiders were CX, so they had a bad attitude towards me.
  • Another possibility is that he happened to be experiencing something unpleasant at the time, such as having a fight with someone.

Whatever the reason, whether it was his own stereotypes or his own emotions, it was about him, not me.

And when I decided not to come to this supermarket again, I interpreted this incident as “This is about me.” He has never met me before and doesn’t know me at all, so of course it can’t be about me.

After analyzing it, I decided to take the initiative to find him again.

The next day, I went to the small supermarket to find him again and asked him if he had the phone number of someone who offered broadband services nearby.

This time, the boss said enthusiastically that I could look for it, and then carefully searched on his mobile phone for a while and gave it to me. He didn’t recognize me the whole time… A few days later, I went to buy water from him, he even took the initiative to ask me if I had purchased the broadband service. When he learned that my price is cheaper than his, he patted his thigh twice.

When encountering conflicts, take the initiative to resolve them and don’t let your own misinterpretations limit you.

Whether it is the relationship with colleagues and clients at work, or the relationship with relatives and friends in life, when I encounter conflicts, I use the following three steps to resolve them:

  1. Take the initiative to communicate with the other party first, and clarify the ins and outs of the matter and the other party’s real thoughts.
  2. Then objectively analyze what both parties did right and wrong, and make it clear to the other party.
  3. Think about how to remedy or correct the problem next, and work together towards the same goal.

If you really can’t cooperate, it’s based on clear facts, not misunderstandings.

Conflicts are normal. When you encounter one, you should understand it and resolve it immediately. Instead of not communicating with each other, blindly interpreting each other, and then burying the relationship in layers of misunderstandings.

Remember, mentally strong people will not avoid conflicts but will proactively resolve them.

1 Insight From Others

“Bravery is the choice to show up and listen to another person, be it a loved one or perceived foe, even when it is uncomfortable, painful, or the last thing you want to do.”

― Alaric Hutchinson

1 Small Step To Take

“What’s my interpretation?”

When faced with things that happen in our lives, we react immediately. But in fact, there is a very critical step between things and reactions: interpretation. It’s just that this step is completed in an instant by the brain based on past experience, so we often don’t realize it.

When faced with a matter you want to solve, first ask yourself:

What is my interpretation of this matter? What assumptions did I default to? Is there any other way of interpretation?

Many times, you will find that your past experience has deceived you.

This is also a great way to develop self-awareness.

PS: What does “mentally strong” mean?

Do you find this issue of Reality helpful? Leave a reply to this email, I check every reply in my inbox.

Until next week,

Ted Wild

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