The Reality


“3 minutes to live 1% happier”

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Reality: 这才是安慰一个人的正确方法  | 2023.4.25

Happy Reality Day! 开始本周3分钟的现实, 1%的快乐 ↓




(1) 第一类:同事心。


  • 毫无人性型:“哈哈哈,你好搞笑啊,太丢人了,哈哈哈” (右手颤抖.jpg)
  • 讲道理型:“我给你说啊,这个事你做的的确有问题,你应该这么这么……”
  • 否认情绪型:“你不应该这么难过”、“生气伤身体”、“忘记这件事吧”
  • 粉饰太平型:“夸张了,没那么严重,你没那么差,你不会做这种事的”
  • 轻描淡写型:“这没什么大不了的”、“你会好起来的”。
  • 白莲花型:“你怎么能做这种事呢?这的确太差劲了”
  • 庆幸自己型:“太丢人了,还好不是发生在我身上啊,不然真不知道该咋面对”
  • 转移攻击型:“那个人怎么能这么说你?他可真孙子……”
  • 比你厉害型:“你那算啥,我有一次更惨……”




“宝子你好惨,我真替你感到难过”、“I’m sorry”。







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– Richard Eyre



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Ted Wild

PS: 新鲜出炉的文章:如何活在当下(你会庆幸自己花了这8.8分钟的)

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Reality: How to comfort someone  | 2023.4.25

Happy Reality Day! Here is your weekly dose of reality to help you live 1% happier.

1 Insight From Me

Let’s say you’ve just done something embarrassing and humiliating, so you go talk to a friend, hoping to get some comfort from him. What do you want to hear?

I have summed up three types of comforting words, they are: Apathy, sympathy, and empathy.

(1) Apathy comforting.

The focus is on “things”, and kind of “not really my business and I don’t actually give a damn”. Some people in this category do care, they just don’t know how to comfort people.

  • Inhuman type: “Hahaha, that’s so funny, it’s so embarrassing, hahaha”
  • Rational type: “Let me tell you, there is indeed a problem with what you did, what you should do is…”
  • Emotional Denial type: “You shouldn’t be so sad”, “It bad for your health to be angry”, “Forget about it”
  • Whitewashing type: “Exaggerated, it’s not that serious, you’re not that bad, you wouldn’t do such a thing”
  • Understatement type: “It’s no big deal”, “You’ll be fine”.
  • I’m perfect type: “How can you do such a thing? It really sucks”
  • Thank god it’s not me type: “That’s so embarrassing, thank god it didn’t happen to me, otherwise I really don’t know what to do”
  • Attack type: “How can that person say that about you? He is such a dick…”
  • I’m better than you type: “That’s nothing, what happened to me was even worse, once…”

After listening, you may immediately regret telling him about it.

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1 Insight From Others

“Change begins with understanding and understanding begins by identifying oneself with another person. In a word empathy. The arts enable us to put ourselves in the minds, eyes, ears and hearts of other human beings.”

– Richard Eyre

1 Question For Yourself

When was the last time you comforted someone? If you were asked to do it again, would you change the way you do it?

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1 Small Step To Take

Empathy is actually a sign of inner strength.

In the following week, try listening to someone close to you, and then comfort him with empathy.

Do you find this issue of Reality helpful? Leave a reply to this email, I check every reply in my inbox.

Until next week,

Ted Wild

PS: Fresh article I wrote:Why Self-help Books Fail To Help

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